Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
