Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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