Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
