I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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