Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is the high leading the old right now
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
