Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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