i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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