no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
