Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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