so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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