How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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