Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
