The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Is it penis luge time yet?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
