I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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