how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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