I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
