My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
