did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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