When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize