similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
