I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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