Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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