I didn't shave. On purpose
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
