It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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