Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
