The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
