Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
