hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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