If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
