We won't sleep together?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Randomize
