And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
