i think my tv is drunk
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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