i was born a porn star she said
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
