No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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