dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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