There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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