Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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