would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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