Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So much rum. So many feels.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
