There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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