weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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