somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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