I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
