i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
