Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
