I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
