I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
