i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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