Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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