dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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