He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Pants are for mortals
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
