i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
