yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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