well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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