if i can run in heels then i can drive
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All the doctor said was why
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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