So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
