he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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