i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
