I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
