I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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