dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
