Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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