tell your sister to shave her snatch
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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