he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
