I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
