There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
