Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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