i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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