It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
