very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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