I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
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There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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