at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
